Gloomy Thoughts

   KakNgah here. And she's a bit gloomy. What should she write?

Thinking of what to say...

  
   Not long ago, we celebrated the coming of the new Hijrah Year. Nice number too- 1432. A chance for all to turn over a new leaf. Start over. Leave the bad and embrace the good. Insya-Allah.

   And now 2011 is coming. It's coming and it will arrive quite soon. In other terms it's probably not that significant, but it does mean that the new semester will start soon.

   A new semester means that I will soon be going to school to teach. That's pretty scary enough, I should think.

   But it also means returning to another place for two weeks before that... and I'm not quite sure what I feel about it.

   I trust that Allah knows best and I put my full trust in Him to guide me. Please let the next semester be a good one. I do want to leave with fresh bad memories. Let only the ones that I already have remain, and only as lessons for remembrance. I do not wish to build new ones. What I already have is enough.

   We are adults now. If we cannot learn to forgive others for their mistakes, then don't live among people. Go, and be a hermit. Live in a cave. Live somewhere where there are no other human beings.

   I am saying this to myself as much as to everyone else. In fact, I say this because I have experienced it. I know what it's like to feel angry at others and feeling that it;s difficult to forgive them for what the have done to you.

   I also know what it's like to have your apologies rejected.

   But as I always say, Allah knows best. Perhaps they did not mean it the way I though they did. However, I meant what I said. I asked for forgiveness. I forgave. I said thank you. Every single word that I said or wrote came from my heart. I meant them. Know that. Friends. If you still consider me one of yours.

   Not that any one of you would ever read this. If you do, then I hope you understand.

   If you don't, then let these words stay and rot here on their own. Well, they probably won't since after I click on 'Publish Post', they shall start living in the virtual world. They won't rot. So unless I delete them, they'll stay here and there's every chance that you people will stumble across this insignificant entry and read it.

   There I go again. I cannot help being a bit gloomy these days. Oh only in writing of course. I am quite happy in the real world. Well, perhaps not. I hate the thought of leaving home. Only 3 days left.

   And then farewell for a little while.